I don't mean to hurt you.
by Midori Ryuu
Summary: It's a songfic/POV. Yet another Draco Malfoy one...


**I don't mean to hurt you**  
*  


Disclaimer: The song is "Duvet" from Serial Experiments Lain. I don't own that. The characters are from Harry Potter. I don't own that, either. It's pointless to sue me, because I have very little money. I know this is unusual, but it seems to work for me. I hate this guy, but he's interesting to write for.  


*  


**And you don't seem to understand**  
  
_ Am I trying too hard? Does everyone really hate me? Maybe I should stop hiding it... Is it so wrong, really? _a certain Slytherin thought to himself. _It's normal to want to know him, right?  
_ He sipped his tea for a moment, and then sighed. _Why? Why do I feel like this?  
_  
**A shame you seemed an honest man  
  
**I know you weren't lying, then, but why didn't you tell me? Then again, I probably should've shut up. Maybe I should watch my mouth from now on... Still, you could've tried to tell me who you were... A little strange that I can remember something so incidental, even now.  
**  
And all the fears you hold so dear  
  
**_I've always wondered if you remember him. My dad knew him, but I'm to young to remember actually ever seeing him. Do you know what he's like? Do you fear him?  
What are your nightmares like, Potter? Do you see him? Do you see your parents? What's it like, inside your head? Why am I even curious?!  
****_  
Will turn to whisper in your ear  
  
_ Do you still see him, even after all these years? Of course, I must take last year into consideration. What do you see when you close your eyes? What is it like to survive?****_  
  
And you know what they say might hurt you  
  
_ I guess I'm kind of sorry for making your life a living Hell. I don't want anyone to know how I feel for you. I don't want anyone to know I'm lonely. To know I want a real friend...   
Doe that make me weak? Am I a fool to feel anything? Do only fools want honest friendship, like Father said?****_  
  
And you know that it means so much  
  
_ Everybody says that it's good to have somebody to talk to. A friend. I want somebody I can laugh with. I want an honest feeling.****_  
  
And you don't even feel a thing  
  
_What do you feel for me? Loathing? Hatred? Anger? Or nothing at all? Do you talk about me when I'm not there? Do you laugh at me? The incident last year - do you still make jokes about it? When we're out of school, will you remember me as "Malfoy, the Amazing Bouncing Ferret?"****_  
  
I am falling, I am fading  
  
_ I wonder if this counts as what muggles refer to as "clinical depression?" I cry at night sometimes. I'd never admit it to anyone else, of course. Sometimes, I think about giving it all up. Is it worth it, to learn magic? To do anything?****_  
  
I have lost it all  
  
_Does it make me weird, that I worry about you? I'm so afraid you'll snap one day. I didn't make up everything I told Rita Skeeter. What if you just went berserk one day during potions? What if the same thing were to happen to me?****_  
  
And you don't seem the lying kind  
  
_You and your friends... You're so close; you've lied for each other. I knew it was you in second year who make the potion spray everywhere. But I didn't say anything. I kind of wanted you to thank me, even though I knew better than to expect it. I'm a fool.****_  
  
A shame then I can read your mind  
  
_Sometimes, it seems as though I can tell what you're thinking, just by looking at your face. Even if it doesn't show, I can tell.****_  
  
And all the things that I read there  
  
_ I can guess so many things about you, just by watching you for a while. Even though you smile, scowl - just like a normal kid - I can tell there's so much more you won't talk about...****_  
  
Candle lit smile that we both share  
  
_ In the cold, damp Potions dungeon, I see you, talking so quietly with your friends. You smile in a way that hurts me. Why can't I share that smile with someone?****_  
  
and you know I don't mean to hurt you  
  
_Sometimes, the only though on my mind is how to hurt you. I just want you to suffer sometimes...   
But another part of me just wants to know you. I don't want to hurt you, even though I think like that sometimes. I'm sorry for want I'm not sure if I even want...****_  
  
But you know that it means so much  
  
_ This passion in my heart, this urge to hurt you, while also wanting to be your friend... It's tearing me up. I want to find some kind of happiness with you, and I want you to suffer so much...****_  
  
And you don't even feel a thing  
  
_Why can't you realize what I feel? Don't you know that I don't hate you as much as I say I do?! Why can't you pick up any underlying messages? I just want someone to be happy with...****_  
  
I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning  
  
_Maybe it would be better if I just gave up. Maybe I should become what you see me to be...****_  
  
Help me to breathe  
  
_I want a little bit of happiness to hold onto. Something I can call my own. I want someone that can make me happy.****_  
  
I am hurting, I have lost it all  
  
_I don't suppose you realize that I hear you when you laugh about me during classes. I guess you don't believe that I can feel things, too. I take it you don't notice when I don't glare at you.****_  
  
I am losing  
  
_I kind of wanted to get to know you. I want to see if there's a personality behind the scar. Could you be my friend, maybe? I suppose I'm a foolish dreamer.   
_"Draco, you should go up to bed, soon," the voice of Pansy Parkinson interrupted his reverie.**  
  
Help me to breathe  
  
**"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sure," he replied halfheartedly.  
_I'm sorry, Harry.  
  
_

**The End.  
**


End file.
